![]() ![]() Within the age range I selected-27-to-41, using the XKCD dating age theorem-a pattern emerged. A few aspects of “Tinder culture” crystallized as I swiped along. In a few short hours, the dialogue died.Ī handful of days flew by without incident. And, for some reason, that sparked a debate about the treasures and detriments of the greater San Diego area. (Sans crash-landing aliens.) Great place to visit, but no one could pay me to live there again. My 1980s childhood could’ve been directed by Spielberg suburban cul-de-sac and all. I knew it quite well I was born there-spent my first nine years of life there. Even the deepest of conversations required small-talk beginnings. The dialogue started off small, but I didn’t mind. By the morning, there was a reply! My heart fluttered a li’l bit on gimpy wings.įor a couple of days, we exchanged messages. Imagine my surprise, when at midnight of my first day with the app, I hit upon my first match! I sent off a message before heading to bed. As if I was trying to Jedi mind trick these women. My first night, I approached the app with equal-parts realism and trepidation. And, trust me, it’s incredibly difficult to make tea drinking sound like a badass hobby.įascinating, sure. Narrowing down my Tinder to teacentrism proved that. That and I had a deserved reputation for being both (a) cowardly and (b) insanely picky. The odds were pretty well stacked against me from the get-go. I wasn’t even sure what my dream job would be, even if it stared me in the face. And my chosen profession could neither be considered a career or successful. One wouldn’t consider me entirely “fit”, either. I didn’t consider myself particularly good-looking. To be honest, I expected nothing from this endeavor. My niece also convinced me to join Bumble, and. I was a tea guy looking for tea gals that’s it. I considered myself too damn old to play around. Tinder earned a reputation for being a hook-up site. It’s diabolical and ingenious in its simplicity.Īs I mentioned above, though, I wasn’t interested in approaching this in the way it was advertised. Tinder is basically a “freemium” video game made manifest as an online meat market. Seriously, it taunts you in the match queue.īut if you click on the mosaic, this happens. ![]() And Tinder will tease you relentlessly with it. The unfortunate thing about the platform is that you cannot see who likes your profile before a match is made. Blinky lights will go off in your mind, and your heart will skip a beat. The first time you see that, it’ll be like a Vegas slot machine rush. If you happen upon someone who also “liked” your profile, this handy-dandy li’l notification will pop up. And you keep doing that, ad nauseum/rinse-repeat. Choosing a suitor is a finger-“swipe” away. The lead photo for your potential target will come up, and you swipe right if you like it swipe left if you don’t. Like so:Īfter that, based upon your (albeit sparse) options-gender preference, age range, location-you can peruse other profiles. You set up a quick profile, and you upload a bunch of pictures. Tinder operates along the same lines as old-timey websites like Hot or Not and Face the Jury. For those out there who just now emerged from their tea huts for the first time since 2012. Oh yeah, I should perhaps explain what Tinder is and how it functions. excited I got when explaining the minutiae of teas and tea gardens. I mean, I didn’t want to scare potential suitorettes with my tea geekdom. Short and sweet, like a a Taiwanese Gui Fei gong fu session. I’m on here because I think it’d be nice to share a cuppa with someone else for a change.” I don’t drink or smoke, but getting “tea drunk” is a thing. On the side, I’m a fan of anything sci-fi/ fantasy. Sometimes, I even combine those two loves. To keep this short, I’m a tea guy and a writer. “Single, 5′ 9”, never married, and I don’t have kids. The full profile read (after some tweaking): How would the participants of a dating app as fickle as Tinder respond to a balls-to-the-wall tea man? I mean, that’s what I was, right? Why lie about who I am?Īs such, I totally tea-manned my Tinder profile. With that apprehension in mind, I decided to approach this venture as a thought experiment. Various articles even stated that the advent of Tinder rewrote the “rules” to online dating. a decade ago? A lot had changed since then. The last time I braved the online dating world was. Not that I would know how to do that, anyway. However, I didn’t want to approach it from a normal angle. So, one uneventful Sunday, said niece helped me set up a profile. And, the straw that finally broke my back, my niece egged me into doing it. Another coworker was having some luck at it. A coworker met his long-time girlfriend on it. ![]() I’d been meaning to do it for over a year. ![]()
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